Edenbridge Cricket Club Saturday 1st XI v Chailey on Sat 14 Jul 2007 at 2.00
Edenbridge Cricket Club Lost

Match report Blossoms Park, home of the men of Edenbridge, witnessed this Saturday one of the great displays on a cricket ground as Scott ‘The Cheetah’ Beaumont unleashed one of the finest displays on debut not seen since Frank Hayes hit 106, in his first test against the West Indies at the Oval in 1973, and Peter’s & Lee topped the charts with the classic never to be forgotten pop classic Welcome Home. (Please note Frank Hayes (Lancashire & England) should not be mixed up with the jockey of the same name who in 1923 suffered a fatal heart attack in the midst of a race. His horse, Sweet Kiss, finished and won the race with his lifeless body still atop, making him the first, and thus far only, jockey to win a race posthumously).

When I say ‘display’ I write not of a match winning innings interlaced by elegant cover drives, a Michelle Pfeiffer (5 for ...) bowling performance from unplayable leg cutters and toe breaking yorkers or even numerous catches and run outs from athletic fielding and laser directed throws but quite simply a tea of exceptional quality not expected from the laid back persona that is the ‘The Cheetah’. Expectations were high only days before when your correspondent was asked as to the budget allowed for our mid innings refreshment, and although only £25, one sensed something special was in the air especially as the Cheetah’s Mum was to be involved. We were not disappointed as some classic mid summer, mid season, typically English gut busting cricketing fair was put before us, the men of Edenbridge, and the newly promoted Chailey that brought back fond memories of a bygone era notably Agincourt (we won), penny farthings, powdered egg, spitfires in an azure blue sky and summer days when the sun shone and the end of the world was not nigh due to global warming (as I write this deep within my Hammersmith bunker, the sky is black, the rain is lashing down and an ice berg has just rolled past Primemark much to the surprise of the 10,000 Eastern Europeans (and rising) congregating outside waiting for the January sales.

A find spread of sandwiches beautifully garnished was the definite highlight of which the ham was truly exceptional, Wiltshire, boiled and off the bone and not seen since that wonderful hot summer of 1947 when Compton made merry with 18 centuries and his partner in crime, Bill Edrich, brought the mustard. Fine finger cakes (tarts) of which the chocolate brownies were quite outstanding were quickly snaffled but, like a fine painting mounted in the right light and setting, the brownies benefited from the artistically presented Jaffa cakes and the rich succulent chocolate cornflake crisps, which oozed chocolate over a number of players whites including Alan Joyce’s new pair (see match report V Hartfield) much to his and his dry cleaners disappointment, were again inspiring. But it was the little things that set this tea apart and places ‘The Cheetah’ into legendry tea status. Wild cherries, plucked by young maidens, from the trees of Cowden graced the table display as did the layered twiglets providing an all too rare alternative to the Co-Op crisp party pack and the obligatory plain, salt & vinegar and roast cheetah flavours.

However, the icing on the cake (no pun intended) must surely have been the welcome return of piccalilli to enhance both meat and cheese which I think fare to say has not been in regular use since the mid 1950’s and in particular on the Australian tour of 1954–5 when Frank ‘Typhoon’ Tyson took 27 wickets to win the Ashes as well as handing out a good beating to our own Frank Bruno on the way to becoming one of the most feared heavy weight fighters of all time. Apart, that is, from the opening bat of Colemans Hatch (see earlier match report). All in all a most memorable day for the Cheetah and his adoring fans who on this performance could well be asked to do the teas most weeks providing his Mums’s up for it.

Match Report:

This week we welcomed the newly promoted Chailey who had up until now not managed to win a game all season. Chailey duly won the toss and on a fine day for season 2007, no rain, asked the home team to bat. The home skipper Graham Cox would have batted first if the toss had been won but after the first few overs it was clear that the wicket was playing low and slow and Chailey had bowlers of a style and pace to make life difficult for Edenbridge’s batsman. Tight and accurate medium pace coupled with the wicket made aggressive shot making difficult and once John Woodman had been well caught low down at forward short leg and Tim Cox was bowled playing over the top of a ball that kept low the writing was on the pavilion wall that the afternoon could prove anything but plain sailing. Chailey kept the same opening attack for most of the Edenbridge innings and both Graham Cox and Scott ‘The Cheetah’ Beaumont maintained caution while looking not to lose further wickets. But the introduction of Johnstone a young spinner undid Graham Cox when beaten by the flight to give a simple return catch and when the Cheetah was stumped looking like a stranded whale the score was 57 for 4. Joyce (15) soon followed unfortunately run out turning on PC Williams' range of calls yes, no, OK, run, sorry and pratt and only runs from Williams (18) and Fuller (17) saw Edenbridge to a disappointing 131 before being bowled out.
Little can be said for Chailey's reply but a fine innings of 57 from Dan Andrews saw the visitors home and a victory by 6 wickets. Victory may have been harder but for an unfortunate hand injury to Gatt Fuller who split the webbing in his hand attempting a return catch off his own bowling and found himself spending Saturday night in EG hospital for his troubles. Fortunately no lasting damage although Gatt is likely to be out for some weeks and he will be missed not only for his bowling but because, as the only player in the team who could count to ten, he was our scorer! With his fingers bandaged he can no longer do this which is a shame. Get fit soon Gatt your scorebook needs you.
MEMORABLE MOMENT: None this week as your correspondent has run out of inspiration.

Edenbridge Cricket Club Saturday 1st XI Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
for 10 wickets

(0.0 overs)
Tim Cox Bowled  19
Jon Woodman Caught  4 1
Scott Beaumont Stumped  19
Graham Cox Caught  4
Alan Joyce Run out  15
Simon Williams Bowled  18
Tim Fuller Caught  17
Andy Hill Caught  9 1
Mark Slack Lbw  5
Mike Mills Bowled  7
Gareth Fuller Not Out  1

Chailey Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy

Chailey Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
for 4 wickets
136 (0.0 overs)
Sellis Lbw  4
Andrews Caught  57
Johnstone Bowled  11
Burrlock Caught  18
Kumar Not Out  22
Haylett Not Out  10

Edenbridge Cricket Club Saturday 1st XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Gareth Fuller7.011929.502.71
Andy Hill10.042900.002.90
Simon Williams12.0242221.003.50
Mike Mills2.002100.0010.50
Tim Cox6.222100.003.32